


A Soul's Judgment

by GeckoGirl89



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gen, Guilt, Introspection, POV Angel (BtVS), Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 04:52:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10824135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeckoGirl89/pseuds/GeckoGirl89
Summary: Angel's soul was meant to be a curse, and many days, it truly felt like one.





	A Soul's Judgment

**Author's Note:**

> Written in April for the prompt "Author's choice, author's choice, a soul's judgement" on fic-promptly: http://fic-promptly.dreamwidth.org/509934.html?thread=15223278#cmt15223278
> 
> This doesn't occur at any fixed time, but it's definitely after the Angelus season 2 arc on Buffy. It doesn't feel like it occurs during the time frame of Angel the series for me, so I'm tagging the other show.
> 
> Please pay attention to the tags. This fic is short, but it could still be a trigger for those with suicidal thoughts.

The soul was designed to be a punishment for Angel. Without the restraints of a conscience, a vampire was prone to depravity and destruction. Angelus was known as the "Scourge of Europe," one of the worst vampires to walk this Earth. Angel was tortured by the memory of the countless horrors he had perpetuated without a soul.  
  
People knew that Angel brooded guiltily over his past, but they didn't know about the times he had held a stake to his chest with a trembling hand, thinking about plunging it into his heart and ending it all. They didn't know about the nightmares of his victims that haunted him even when he awoke, how the the twisted pleasure of his demon only amplified his guilt. Nobody else understood how much effort it took for Angel to refrain from darting out into the sun-drenched grass, to avoid letting himself burn away from existence. It would be good riddance, he told himself as he imagined those scenarios.  
  
The soul sat in judgment over him now, sneering in disgust every time he drank pig's blood to sustain his pathetic, worthless unlife. His soul would scream at him every time he even thought of laughing or smiling. _Remember what happened last time?! You don't deserve to be happy! You don't have permission to forget!_   
  
Angel's soul was meant to be a curse, and many days, it truly felt like one.


End file.
